Abba's child

Abba's Child: The Cry of the heart for intimate belonging

This is my hubby's absolute favorite book besides the Bible. He likes to read it about once a year.  Last year he gave away our only copy of it because he believes in it's message so much.  Right before we left on our trip we received it again, as a going away gift.  So during our car drive to Manteca, I picked it up and started to read it.  Oh. my. gosh.  It was exactly what I needed.  It is one of those books that need to be read very slowly, with no one else around (preferably), and with highlighter in hand. (and maybe a box of Kleenex)

I have been chewing on a couple of quotes in it that, if I reeeeally "get" deep down,  I know will revolutionize my life.  Because, let's face it.  Most of our "life" is based internally. We have the outer world where we interact with friends, our children, spouses, neighbors. We also have an inner world that no one sees.....hidden from others if we choose to let it be.  The inner world (at least mine) is complex and deep questions lie there at times.  It is where we feel and where pain is.  It is this place that I believe God wants us to seek Him from.  The place we can grow close to Him and receive healing....if we let Him in there with us.  I realize, after reading just a chapter or two from this book, that there are places within me that I have not allowed Yeshua (Jesus) access into....either because I haven't made time to "go there" or I don't want to.  Pain is easy to silence in these days and times we live in....we have lots of distractions that help us to forget.  Except at night... when we are by ourselves, the pain can confront us again....and without bringing Yeshua to these places with us, how can we bear the pain alone?

Here is the book summary on the back cover of the book:

"Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthly of God's love only when our lives are going well. If our families are happy and our jobs are meaningful, life is a success. But when life begins to fall through the cracks and embarassing sins threaten to reveal our less-than-perfect identity, we scramble to keep up a good front to present to the world- and God. We cower and hide until we can rearrange the mask of perfection and look good again. Sadly, it is then that we wonder why we lack intimate relationships and a passionate faith.

Yet all this time God is calling us to take the mask off and come openly to Him. God longs for us to know in the depth of our being that He loves us and accepts us as we are. Wehn we are our true selves, we can finally claim our identity as God's child- Abba's child- and experience His pure pleasure in who we are. Brennan Manning encourages readers to let go of the imposter lifestyle and freely accept our belovedness as a child of the heavenly Father. In HIm there is life, our passion is rekindled, and our union with Him is His greatest pleasure."


An old journal entry of mine, 2007:

~ I open that place inside me that has been locked, buried and lost. The door creaks as I open it, I peel away cobwebs and frozen layers.  I feel.  I let that part of me open & beat. I do believe.  I do love.  I do know God.  I am not repulsed by me.  I am pulling the good inside of me.  Loving Love and moving away from anything else.  I grab hold of truth.  I carry it close to me.  I don't judge.  I cry.  I let God in.  It hurts a little bit.  My heart is messy and the light is bright.  But it's natural.  The dormant part I thought was dead is alive.  It's beating, its pulsing with its own life force.  It's a small fire inside me.  I can be warmed by it at any time.  I can find refuge through it.  It is my lifeline, pulling me up from the depths. The other parts of me have tried but have failed.  I need this part.  It's the part of me that loves You.  The part of me that needs...and needing is OK.  It's ok.  I was made to feel this.  I was made to use this.  It's a gift to me.  Don't sleep little heart.  Grow bigger.  Grow stronger.  Awaken and expand.  Lies try to come and build walls around this special place.  They try to shut it out.  I see it now.  They don't want me to sing.  They don't want me to feel You.  A slow beat picks up and quickens.  My whole being loves You now...and it loves me, too.  It smiles.  Where have you been? ~

Springtime

"There's no place more wonderful than a farm in springtime. Buds swell into blossoms. Eggs hatch. Young are born. "
-E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

Though I'm not necessarily fond of the town, I love the property we have been staying on these two weeks.  I love waking up to the sound of the rooster crowing, and going to bed with the lingering scent of orange blossoms.  I love that my children have acres to run, dogs to chase, and frogs to catch.  I love that my hubby is right in his element, doing farm work and working up "a good sweat".  I am also finding my niche here,  helping at the house with various projects.

The kids have not asked to play the Wii since we got here. HalleluYah ;)

Highlights this week:  We visited the Farmer's Market in Visalia yesterday. Loved seeing the Safe Haven farm's veggies out on display.  When I was 5, I spent a summer at my grandparent's property in Visalia.

It is one of my favorite childhood memories. I remember picking walnuts from their tree, running through their sprinklers, wading knee deep in mud, eating Visalia oranges, wearing my grandmother's pretty apron, admiring all of her "trinkets", helping with chores.  A friend told me that a child's aesthetic sensibilites are formed at a young age by their surroundings. I think that must be true. Josh has always teased me about my taste in "old lady things".  Anyway, all of that came flooding back to me yesterday when we went to the Market. :)

Josh's highlight this week:  helping Bryan plant a vineyard. They will be transplanting  about 200 "Old Vine Zinfandel" vines.  He is very excited about it.

Will post pics of it soon.  It is raining here today, so I have not ventured out yet.

Have a restful Sabbath with your families.
((Hugs from the Bradys))

Write your plans in pencil....

"Write your plans in pencil, and give God the eraser."

"A man makes his own plans, but the Lord directs his steps."

We started off on our journey with a destination in mind (Tennessee), and sites that we wanted to see along the way.  Fun was on the menu, and we for sure wanted to do all those things that homeschooling families should do when they are on the road.  Even in the planning, though, there was a very real sense that these plans could change-- you know, that feeling you get when you know something isn't going to work out exactly the way that you think.  Beyond having fun, our real desire and hope, deep down, was (and is) to follow the Lord's leading, and to let Him orchestrate the details of our trip.  We have always dreamed of serving others as a family, from place to place.  We thought, 'Perhaps this could be a "faith trip", where we pray about where to go, He tells us, and we go!'  But, how does one explain this concept to others, muchless oneself?  Did we dare talk about the "non-plan plan" with people, for fear that they would think us irresponsible or careless?  We already have friends who think we are the poster children for "winging it", which might be true to some extent.  :)  A well laid-out plan seemed to be just the thing we needed to quell our own curiosities and the concern of family members.

That said, our recent decision to change course wasn't a complete surprise, to us. We didn't plan what ended up transpiring, but we did suspect something of it's nature would occur. ;)

Here's what happened:

After leaving our 1st stop in Manteca, CA, the next stop in our exodus was the Safe Haven farm in Orosi, about 2.5 hours from Manteca.  This is the place we have camped at for Sukkot (the Feast of Tabernacles in the Fall) every year for about 3 years;  so we were excited to see familiar faces that we camped with last fall. We thought that we might spend a couple of nights there, and head to Nevada afterward.

The Barnes are wonderful people. They have an amazing 10 acre property and large vegetable garden, two greenhouses, vineyard, chickens, and cows.  They also have a program for 16-25 year olds called Growing in Torah (GIT) in which young people who are interested in farming can come for 6 months to their home and help with the work.  Part of it is also a discipleship program, where they have regular time in the Word together and praise and worship.  A lot of people say that after the 6 months of being here they come back changed.

We ate with them, talked with them, fellowshipped with their Sabbath group, and our kids played on the playground, held baby chicks, and ran around their acreage.

From the 1st day that we were there, the Barnes made it clear that they would love for us to stay as long as we would like or need. They have been shorthanded this year at the farm, and asked if we would consider joining them helping out in the GIT program, also sharing with us that the farm reeeeeally needed a Farm Manager.  Their oldest daughter is also getting married in 6 weeks, so we could see that this is a very stressful and busy time for them.

Though we loved being there,  it was a struggle to come to a decision.  We might have "written our plans in pencil"....but it was very dark pencil, so it was harder to "erase".  We might have thought we had faith before, but it's one thing to believe something in your head, and another thing to act it out.  We had to grapple with questions like, "Do we truly believe that Abba will provide all of our needs if we stayed here?  Do we trust that He will work out the details (finances) for us to continue on our road trip after our time here was done?" -or- "Will we be okay if we never do get back on the road but end up staying here past 6 weeks?"

I hated feeling like either way, I'd regret our decision.  Like I'd regret staying because we'd be "missing out" on our planned adventures, or that I'd regret leaving because we would be abandoning our friends in their time of need.  The Torah says that if your brother asks for help, and you have the ability to help them, you should give it. Yeshua also says, "Give to those who ask of you, and do not withhold from your brother."

We remembered these scriptures, along with our original desire for wanting to go on the trip, (wanting to serve as a family) and suddenly "fun" was redefined.  We also remembered how in the past we have pushed our plan stubbornly (both individually and as a couple) and the inevitable trials that have followed because of not following His direction.  So, after a lot of talking, going back and forth, we have decided to stay, for 6 weeks (or more, depending).

Such peace and joy descended in our hearts when we said "Yes" to Abba....that we would go wherever He wants us to and that our lives belong to Him and to His service.  Only one of our kids was slightly disappointed about not getting to see the Grand Canyon right away (D) but quickly cheered up at the prospect of being at the wedding. (For some reason, the kids really like weddings). :)

We are all really happy about the decision.  Since then, we are starting to see more and more blessings unfold and prayers answered that we prayed for for years.  Praise Abba!  He definitely knows what is best for us.

Baby J's first hair cut!

Before. Check out those curls!

After. :) Still a cutie.

On the road!

April 11, 2014

We finished the first part of our journey- a 5 day stop over in Manteca- and are about to get on the road again. We parked on our friends' property and celebrated Passover with them and their fellowship.

Passover was sweet. There were about 70 of us in a reserved room at a golf course. We took advantage of the dance floor and did some fun and worshipful Israeli dances. Each table was set up beautifully and it was catered....a little different than other Passovers we have done or been to which have usually been in a home, but it was very nice. Our hagaddah (story about Passover) was simple and sweet. Our 2 year old, Judah, decided to crawl under the table and hang out during the story.

I love how every year I learn something new and deeper about the meaning of the holy days. One of the things talked about at our Passover seder (meal) was when Yeshua(Jesus) washed the feet of his disciples on what is known as the Last Supper.  This "Last Supper", as you probably know, was a Passover seder. He died on Passover, and was raised 3 days later on the feast of Firstfruits.  Yeshua puts himself in the position of a servant, and rinses the dirt off of the feet of the disciples. We talked about how the "dirt" symbolizes the things of this world that cling to us. Sins, attitudes, addictions, bondage. It is hard for us to accept that we cannot "fix" ourselves, though we often try. When we come to Yeshua, He cleanses us of all of our uncleanness (leaven). Only He can wash it away. I find myself longing for this cleansing this year. I want him to remove all of the dirt that I have picked up, both willingly and unknowingly.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 Peter 1:9

 Here is another insight about foot washing from hope-of-israel.org:
"When Yeshua the Messiah commanded his disciples to wash one another's feet he was building upon an ancient ritual carried out by the Levitical priesthood when they ministered in the Temple. The parallel between the foot-washing at the Laver in the outer court of the Temple, and that performed by the Messiah at his last meal, is clear and unerring. Both the Old and New Testaments point to a REGULAR -- not just once a year at the Passover -- foot-washing ceremony to remove sin that occurs AFTER baptism. Failure to do so renders us UNCLEAN in YEHOVAH's sight and allows "death" to enter into His weekly Sabbath meetings."

Back to the trip. :) We also had a chance to visit our friends in Elk Grove, the Vasquezes. At their house we met one of their friends, a high school teacher who has a government grant to build solar panels with his students. They donate these solar panels (which are slightly bigger than large laptops) to people in 3rd world countries, or missionaries to undeveloped places. He wanted to give us one of these solar panels, and also a unit that would create colloidal silver water, a value of about $500! What a blessing! This may come in handy if we end up being "out in the bush" somewhere without electricity.

Our next stop is Orosi, California, at the property we stayed at for Sukkot. We will spend some time (a few days?) with our friends, the Barnes, and a group of teenagers/young adults who are going through their Growing in Torah program- a discipleship program that teaches them about agriculture, farming, and has regular bible study and devotions.  We are excited to observe this program in action, connect with our friends there, lend a hand, and hopefully learn a thing or two ourselves about farming.;)