one year

My brain feels like a tangled mess right now.  Writing usually helps it to get untangled, to get my

thoughts and feelings sorted out.  I haven't been in the writing kind of mood for such a looong time...it has felt like an overwhelming task that I haven't been able to bring myself to do.  but here I am now.  Don't worry, I won't inflict ALL of my thoughts on you now, that would be unkind. ;)...but I do want to hash out some of them, and I guess part of gaining clarity is by going back....

So, we have been living in our 5th wheel for exactly a year now.  It's hard to believe it's been that long.  This year looked much different than I thought it would (a common theme in my life, and probably in yours, too?).  We had fun at the Farm, and I am sooo glad we did it.  I will never regret our decision to stay there and put our other plans on hold.  Our time there has come to an end and now we are in the what-are-we-doing mode.  GIT is over, and everyone has gone home.  One of my fears came true....remember my post last June?  We indeed ran out of money and can't get on the road just yet.  I'm surprisingly calm and ok with this...which I take as a very positive sign that I'm hopefully growing in the "letting go" department and trusting Yahweh more.   I do feel more peace than I normally do in circumstances like this.  Some of my perspective change I can credit to a very good book that I've been reading, called Women's Wisdom.  I have been reading it for months, but can't seem to finish it because it is so rich; I have to read it slowly to digest.  It has been speaking to me a lot, and one of the themes within it is that Yahweh is in everything that happens. He is over and in charge of everything...nothing happens without his permission...and even the bad and horrible things are part of his plan.   I know this is a simple concept, but coming from the spiritual background I do when you are fighting the devil when bad things happen as if everything negative that happens must be his fault....these points are very enlightening and refreshing.  I find myself looking at things with a much more easy going attitude...accepting things instead of fighting them...I still worry and fret of course about the silliest things sometimes...but I give praise to Abba that He is helping me to change the reasons why I used to do it so much more often. Our thoughts can be our own worst enemies at times.

Anyhow....we asked for prayer for guidance and direction during Sukkot...and the person who prayed for us prayed that we would "know what we need right now".  I have been turning those words over and over in my head and heart...what do we really need. Instantly when this was prayed I thought "we need a break from living in a trailer. That would be nice"...and "to live in a real house".  But, I'm not sure if my reaction is necessarily the answer.  It could be...but to do that- to sell our trailer and go back to normal life- would mean questioning our quest...which we still believe in.  We have no reason to not believe that we are supposed to keep going, except that it would be a really long road trip with 5 kids in tow and probably not all fun.  At times we feel weary...but doesn't everyone sometimes?  It doesn't mean that the thing you're doing isn't worth it and that you should quit, right? Hmm.

Well, I do know one thing that we need: family time...and this is happening a lot at the moment and I am very grateful for that.

So, our plan right now unless Abba decides to change it again ;) is to keep Tennessee as our goal, to work and save up, and get back on the road in the Springtime. We thought that we would stay in Orosi to accomplish the financial things.  Josh got hired at a temp agency, and was interviewed by a great company to do handyman work for rentals.  It fell through however, so we find ourselves back in our hometown, working here.  Josh has had a couple of solid weeks of work here doing carpentry and concrete work...but work is starting to slow down and pretty soon we don't know if he'll have anything else to do here.  What will that mean then?  Should we go back to Orosi and accept lower paying jobs and be near to people we grew close to and formed relationships with?  Or should we stay here close to family and go back to his old job here that affected his health?  Ok, so maybe I'm a little worried...;)  Faith and fear come in spurts, I guess.  Pray for us!

Here are a few pics of our year:

November 4th- exciting day! picked up our trailer from southern CA.
-stayed on the Brady property from November 2013- April 2014.

On Passover of 2014,  we started our exodus...
Drove to Manteca and stayed with friends for the holiday
(will add pics when I find 'em)

Second stop: the Barnes' farm. What we planned
to be only 2-3 nights turned into 6 months! :)

fun times....

looking forward to more road trip adventures....hopefully soon!